Leo leo roar…

23 Jan

So I guess writing blog will be the only way that I can express whatever or however I feel about anything whatsoever, especially after tonight. Yeah, guess what? On the very first day of a new lunar year, I asked, well maybe not asked but I kinda expressed my affection to my ex. Excellent it might seemed that I finally garnered the courage to say it to her but of course it became a total loss to me.

Thinking that I would be able to take it easy and maybe say it out as a joke, I told her, ‘Life is never good without you.’ when she asked why was my first day of cny a good one. I meant it. 100% true. A reply ‘You gonna be kidding…I am attached’ pierced right through my heart. Right before my movie started just now. Sank straight in, shook me up but it left me lost right away as well.

I am serious. It took me a good few months to really garner up all the courage to even type in that line. All that bullshit talk about how courageous, how brave, how easy is it for a Leo to express his love. That’s all bull. Well, at least to me it is. Not that I am just being plain frustrated at the fact that she is attached but I am a Leo and yet I am so so so afraid of just even telling her how I feel because I am just not good enough to brave the consequences. Yes, indeed I feel very at ease now that I have told her but on the other hand, I do not know how to face her, how to talk to her anymore etc etc. Best was during the movie, that was this part about ‘You are the apple of my eye’ movie again. Like again?? Seriously?? Of course it was meant to be funnie and trust me, I laughed. However, deep inside my heart I know that I was actually crying. You know so many things have had happened to me that I am so able to separate how my heart and my brain think and I would just make sure that it is always my brain which is controlling and not my heart. And talk of crying. Was packing my room when I found a card that she had actually made for me during my army days. Mentioned about me crying and guess maybe she felt that I was not very manly back then. Led me to a sleepless night again thinking about the fact that yes I am not manly enough for her. Of course I would not know what is her current standard of the requirements that she is looking for in a guy to be her boyfriend but I guess at least he has to act in a manly manner.

Well, I kind of sidetracked a bit but nevertheless, I am really really feeling very dumb, very stupid now. Maybe I should have felt it already or sensed it coming. About?? About the fact that she is kind of trying to avoid me or at least keep a distance away from me. The fact that she is not eagerly returning my messages thought she appeared online. The fact that she is not very interested in meeting me for lunch etc. The fact about many things. I just refused to accept the fact that yeah again, she moved on. Much further on already while I am still standing here waiting.

I mentioned that I was watching a movie just now right?? The movie was ‘I love HK 2012′. Yeah, a movie that I would always watch every cny without fail. Again in the movie it was about the cliched stuff of HK people dreaming and fighting. In the end their dreams will always come true. Maybe I was born in HK too, that’s why I would behave the same way as in the movie. Yes, I have a dream too. I have many dreams. And yes, you are one of them. I really do not care about what people say or think. If you have a dream, you fight for it. In an earlier movie today, Donnie Yen mentioned about he being a failure in his character in the movie. He had a dream. He failed so many times. He was labelled a failure. He continued dreaming and continued failing. Many said that he was stubborn and stupid, and he knew that he was. He did not escape from his failure and of course eventually he succeeded as a singer in the movie.

How I wished that I were him.

I have a dream. This dream that I have been dreaming about for so many months after we broke up.

I tried to escape from it. I tried not to think about you. Then you came knocking on my door.

I thought that my dream could come true one day. I faced my dream today and I regretted.

Honestly, how much do I wished that you did not knock on my door that very afternoon. How much do I wished that just something happened to my phone that I could not receive your message that day. Yes, there again I am trying to hide. Yes, please give me a break. I admit that I am not the guy of your dreams. I cannot behave or act in a more manly way that I could just put it behind and let go. I did tried. I failed. I blamed myself.

I need a break. True that I have 2 choices. One, to continue on with my failure of a dream. Two, to just ask you to piss off from my face. All my dear friends who actually spent some time reading my blog would also know which option I would choose eventually.

However like I have said in my previous entry, I would continue to dream. To have you in my heart but I would try to distant myself away from you ’cause I guess this would be best for you. I do not want you to feel any pressure from me. I would rather miss and think about you quietly from a distance.

 

林峰&泳儿 – 明天以后(国)

曲/词:伍仲衡/冯颖琪

改编词:姜忆萱

http://www.yue365.com ★ 卜超 制作

泳: 在你的记忆里面有一个我 在你最痛苦的时候陪你度过 难过过了 天晴朗了 我就走

林: 你拯救我的寂寞 我的痛我的梦 在你的面前 我不必保留 还来不及对你说 迟到的我的心动

泳: 你的好 你的坏

林: 我的脾气你最懂

泳: 我不要你心疼我 (林: 我不要你离开我)

合: 明天的以后我们会懂 失恋的挫折让人变更成熟

泳: 我对你 感觉胜过爱情

林: 因为有你 给我勇气给我用不完的运气

林: 其实也想好好爱你

泳: 只怕到最后不小心 让你伤心 (林: 我不怕会伤心)

合: 对不起 我对你 再好再亲密都不能在一起

林: 最后看你在别人怀里

泳: 有天我会找到我的唯一(林: 我并不是你的唯一)

合: 还微笑祝福你

林: 你拯救我的寂寞 我的痛我的梦 在你的面前 我不必保留

泳: 我从来没对你说 压抑的 我的心动

林: 我的好 我的坏 我的脾气你最懂

泳: 我不要你来心疼我

合: 明天的以后我们会懂 失恋的挫折让人变更成熟

泳: 我对你 感觉胜过爱情

林: 因为有你 给我勇气给我用不完的运气

林: 其实也想好好爱你

泳: 只怕到最后不小心 让你伤心 (林: 我不怕会伤心)

合: 对不起 我对你 再好再亲密都不能在一起

林: 最后看你在别人怀里

泳: 有天我会找到我的唯一(林: 我并不是你的唯一)

合: 还微笑祝福你

泳: 爱情总让人折磨

林: 所以我们才选择

合: 做比情人更好的朋友

泳: 我对你 感觉胜过爱情

林: 因为有你 给我勇气给我用不完的运气

林: 其实也想好好爱你

泳:只怕到最后不小心 让你伤心 (林: 我不怕会伤心)

合: 对不起 我对你 再好再亲密都不能在一起

林: 最后看你在别人怀里

泳: 有天我会找到我的唯一(林: 我并不是你的唯一)

合: 还微笑祝福你

 

I have wanted to share this song with you long ago. Rather I want to share with you the cantonese version of this song ’cause the lyrics are already of a different meaning but of course you do not understand cantonese. So if you actually bother to read this. This is what I actually wanted to tell you. Maybe I should post the cantonese version here too.

 

泳: 曾流行情歌虽则都继续播 可惜今天无缘一起高歌一趟 唱 没结果 再合唱亦没结果

林: 明明以前是我傻 求求你姑息我 填词人替我写出的痛楚 期望你开口唱吧 合唱歌那可得我

泳: 当初你抛开我 (林:我独唱一次“认错”)

泳: 你为何麻木地高歌(林:唱下去不理为何)

合: 消失的激情还要热播 谁人仍然是你记住的一个

泳: 失去的恋爱难以勉强

林: 开一句声 听着情歌总能满足一秒遐想

林: 日后留恋你的声线

泳: 恐怕未放下 明日更不堪设想(林:而我不堪设想)

合: 一千句 亲爱的 恐怕时间到了无缘又遇上

林: 我亦无办法得到见谅

泳: 忘掉我声音以后别惆怅(林:沉默一刻我在惆怅)

合: 始终无法合唱

林: 祈求回头亦太难 如何唱多一晚 无人饶恕我比悲歌更惨

泳: 其实你分手以后 这一天已心淡

林: 当初你 抛开我 我独唱一次“认错”

泳: 你为何麻木地高歌

合: 消失的激情还要热播 谁人仍然是你记住的一个

泳: 失去的恋爱难以勉强

林: 开一句声 听着情歌总能满足一秒遐想

林: 日后留恋你的声线

泳: 恐怕未放下 明日更不堪设想(林:而我不堪设想)

合: 一千句 亲爱的 恐怕时间到了无缘又遇上

林: 我亦无办法得到见谅

泳: 忘掉我声音以后别惆怅(林:沉默一刻我在惆怅)

合: 始终无法合唱

泳: 你要试着放低我

林: 我怕我以后还是唱没结果(泳:已是结果)

合: 以后得一个…

泳: 失去的恋爱难以勉强

林: 开一句声 听着情歌总能满足一秒遐想

林: 日后留恋你的声线

泳: 恐怕未放下 明日更不堪设想(林:而我不堪设想)

合: 一千句 亲爱的 恐怕时间到了无缘又遇上

林: 我亦无办法得到见谅

泳: 忘掉我声音以后别惆怅(林:沉默一刻我在惆怅)

合: 始终无法合唱

 

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Leo leo roar…”

  1. AUDREY January 23, 2012 at 8:09 pm #

    CHEER UP! 🙂

  2. expertism January 28, 2012 at 4:55 am #

    I believe the zodiac signs predictions are also cock. Just becos it says Leo have more courage to declare love doesn’t mean u anyhow declare also. U still needa give plenty of thoughts to it, which u have. I haven’t been following ur blog actively la, bt if I were u I’d give up. No point wasting ur time hoping a chance will come ur way. After all, she’s moved on. So shld u.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: